Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You made out with two different species that night
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
