SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The adults are the big ones right?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
