she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
