You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
