You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
