got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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