Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
