all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
