I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
