Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
