My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
