The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
so much tequila, so little girl.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
