Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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