I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
