Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
