Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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