i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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