i will never coherently bang her
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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