I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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