They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Mom said you looked used
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
