its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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