I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
