we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
