Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
