It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
