I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
