batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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