If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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