i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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