If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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