I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize