Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
