i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
