hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
