I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The beer is more important than you right now.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You are a genius and a whore.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
