Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
