Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
