the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
