there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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