if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
