she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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