You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
