i permit you to call me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
