I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
