I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
