I am full of burrito and curiosity
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
