Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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