I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
