you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
