i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
