I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
