you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize