i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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