it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
