had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
