Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
