so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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