Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
