2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
