Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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