I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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