now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
