My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize