I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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