one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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