These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just found puke in my bra..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
