Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
3 2 1 whiskey
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
