please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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