Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
