You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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