so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The uberlube is also flammable
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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