woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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