Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
