Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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