Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
