just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
